My Everyday Choice

Concerns tumble in my heart like water over rocks, noisy and clamoring for attention.  Long held dreams…unfulfilled, concerns for family members…unresolved, questions about my future…..when?  I am feeling forgotten.  I am afraid I am not enough.  Perhaps I’m a “B” version of a woman?  Doubts cavort in my heart.

I pray with the “Pray As You Go” app on my phone. Jesus tells his listeners, “Do not let your hearts be troubled.  Believe in God, believe also in me.”  He says again, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you….do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.”(John 14)

 

His words suggest I have a choice, “Do not let…”

He says, “Believe also in me.”

I get to choose.

Believe God or the cacophony in my heart.

Will I “let” fear strangle my spirit?  Will I “let” doubts dull the colors in life?

Or…

Will I “let” serenity still my troubled spirit?  Will I “let” calm quiet my heart?

Today, I choose to believe God.  I receive the peace Jesus gives me. It will be what I breathe, today.

More Than Enough

 I’ve been pondering my responses to the hurting and lonely people in my world. I have struggled to know how to be a neighbor to them beyond the usual prayers and help I offer. I’m burned out trying to fix people.  I have felt guilt for holding some at arm’s length, fearing they would suck the life right out of me. I realize I don’t have enough of anything to slake their soul thirst or satisfy their physical wants.

Meditating on the story of Jesus’ miraculous feeding of about 5,000 men with five loaves of bread and two fishes, I noticed my thoughts about people’s needs are similar to the disciples’ reactions of many years ago. Jesus told His disciples to feed the people gathered around him.  The disciples looked into their treasury.  They assessed what food was available. They concluded their resources were not nearly enough to feed a hungry crowd. 

When Jesus asked what had been found, they handed to Jesus a little boy’s lunch basket containing five small loaves and two tiny fishes. After Jesus blessed the miniscule offering and divided the food, the disciples distributed it to the people…..and it was more than enough!

I stumble over this example of little becoming abundance in the hands of God.  I experience tension between the neediness I notice in my world and what I have to give. Or want to give. I am frustrated with my limitations.  Every day I bump into cries for help. I examine the time, money, resources and energy I have to offer after I tended to the responsibilities in my own life.

 I am not enough.

This thought gently persists: What if I offer my simple words, my scant resources and my small talents to Jesus for blessing and breaking? If I live in that humble space of willingly giving to Jesus my offering for the neediness around me, would a miracle of “more than enough” occur?

I give what is in my hands…the miracle of supply is in His.