Returning Home

 

I’ve lived in several houses in my life; three in the home of my origin and five since I married my forever boyfriend. I think of a house as the physical place a person occupies and home as the people, atmosphere and culture in that space. New questions have been stirring about where home really is for me.

“Home” is a word packed with meaning dependent on experience. For me, home is a sanctuary from the demands of life. It is a nurturing space to rest and regroup. When at home, each person can explore, try and try again, grow and experience love. Home is belonging and security.

When the Preacher and I created our home we preferred order over clutter and created beauty according to our preferences and gifts. Our home culture prioritizes daily connection during family mealtime and prayers.  We trained our children with lots of physical affection, encouragement and correction sandwiched in affirmation. Respect is a core value and we nurture curiosity, responsibility and listening for God. Sometimes there is lots of talking and laughing in our home, other times companionable silence. The Preacher is a man of few words and one time our daughter was concerned I wouldn’t have anyone to talk to when she left for college.  I assured her we are comfortable with silence and simply being present, we use words when necessary.

I’ve been ruminating about the new house we want to build and the home we desire to create on our little acre of woodland. The longing is great for space to grow our hobbies and decrease the maintenance demands of a large house. The wait is hard for the documents needing signed and permissions granted. The desire is strong, yet I wonder, once we are at home in the woodland, will that quiet the longing in my heart? Or is there a spacious house, dusty and forgotten, that I have and didn’t remember I have?

 

My home with God.

The inner sanctuary I occupy with Beloved Trinity.

It too is a place for exploring and listening for the voice of God. A nurturing space where pure love envelopes all my goodness and shadows. It is where I learn the family culture of forgiveness, sacrifice, humility, grace, faithfulness…..love. In this inner haven I learn my name and my nature. It is a place where the gaze of Trinity welcomes me home wanting to hear about my day, its successes and failings, my joys and disappointments. Here as well, togetherness in silence is welcome. This home decorated with the beauty of the Trinity and Melanie, fully alive in who she is created to be.

 

This home I long for…..am I already there?

Can I imagine being so at home with God, laughing around the family table, telling Trinity how I was brave and kind today? How I failed today? Can I gladly accept my place at the table and hear my name spoken with delight and love? To come home and tell of the wonders God has shown me?

Home.